As many people I know would say its a new year but same drama and though that may partially be true it is a new year and hopefully time for more and great new possibilities.
At least that is what I am hoping for...I am getting older of course and it hurts sometimes when as much as time and some things change what you want most to change never happens and sometimes you start to feel you will never get a chance at what you most desire.
It's sad to even say something like that if you know me even the slightest bit you may call me optimistic a little go lucky on the surface but it hurts being happy for so many others and you can never have it for yourself and then the worst part is the slightest shortest inkling to what you want even with the wrong person or at a bad time you cling to it even though you know its not right...it's more than sad actually a lit depressing but hey what can you do...it really sucks.
I could be more vague and leave this very open but if you haven't figured yet what I crave most is that love and companionship you can only get from a significant other one that you can call yours and they can say the same for you. I've never really had that I'd love to give you a legit reason why but I have no clue...I am such a hopeless romantic its sick and the fact that I have never even experienced a true mutual like let alone love with another person saddens me. Recently I had a conversation with a friend and she told me something about God putting an under construction sign on her and that even though she had feelings and were meeting people while it was on that on some level at that time with those people it would not work out because the sign was there. She feels now that it might just have been removed off now that she is more mature and more ready for what she wants...I start to question if there is even a sign on me and if so will I ever be fully constructed and get my chance at love something I feel you need for happiness. You can have all the success and money in the world but if you have no one to share it with what is the point. You strive and strive to reach all these dreams and goals and be this person but somewhere down the line you are taking care of business and this and that and you forget to care for yourself and even worse there is no one at home to care for you either. I know I am rambling and being that this is my first post in 2011 I feel bad for the readers, assuming I have any, about this being not the uplifting, inspirational, and gleeful post that it should be. I would love to make a resolution or promise on how often I will blog or post but as you know from these past four years that has kind of been pointless so I will write when I can...much love till next time Ciggy....